Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as
his wife is finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rings. The wife
quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel" After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of
Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her
$800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her
husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was
Bob the next door neighbor," she
replies. "Great," the husband says, "did
he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got
in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly
had an accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
leg. The nun said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest
apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the
nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest
rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,
"Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your
job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk,
and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They
rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, "I'll give each of you just one
wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the
admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the
manager. The manager says, "I want those
two back in the office after
lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the
eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit
like you and do nothing?" The eagle
answered: " Sure , why not." So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you
must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I
would love to be able to get to the top
of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump, and found
it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the tree. The
next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but
it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the
Winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large
field. While he was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile
of cow dung, he began to realize how
warm he was. The dung was actually
thawing him out! He lay there all warm
and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate. Following the
sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is
your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of
sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's
best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as
his wife is finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rings. The wife
quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel" After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of
Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her
$800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her
husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was
Bob the next door neighbor," she
replies. "Great," the husband says, "did
he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got
in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly
had an accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
leg. The nun said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest
apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the
nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest
rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,
"Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your
job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk,
and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They
rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, "I'll give each of you just one
wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the
admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the
manager. The manager says, "I want those
two back in the office after
lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the
eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit
like you and do nothing?" The eagle
answered: " Sure , why not." So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you
must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I
would love to be able to get to the top
of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump, and found
it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the tree. The
next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but
it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the
Winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large
field. While he was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile
of cow dung, he began to realize how
warm he was. The dung was actually
thawing him out! He lay there all warm
and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate. Following the
sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is
your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of
sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's
best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
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